Lost

Yay!! I finally got my PhD offer letter. Well, it's just a conditional offer, but it's more or less half way in. I was quite depressed when HL told me that he received the e-mail regarding PhD offer and asked me if I did too. The answer was no. I didn't receive anything close to that! But... I managed to find that offer letter later that day in my hotmail, not studentmail. Guess I filled in my hotmail instead of studentmail in the application form.


Now... I'm feeling excited. But... is this what I wanted?
Currently listening to 我的快樂 by 錦繡二重唱...
Although the lyrics are totally unrelated to my situation now, the melody sort of make me think... Is this what I really wanted?
After 4 years of PhD research, I will be granted Doctorate on Immunology and Microbiology (That's if my thesis got accepted). I will then spend rest of my life writing grants, doing research. Then what? End up like Ana? Get married, have kids, end of career. After 7 years of full-time housewife, back to research field?
Or 2 years of nursing, get my license. Get married, have kids, end of career.
Or 4 years of medicine, get my license. Get married, have kids, end of career.
Unless I give up marriage, give up on kids and dwell with career for the rest of my life.

Either way, it's a lose-lose situation.

I'm a greedy person. I want all.

I'm standing right in the middle of the cross road. I don't know which path to choose. God, I need your guidance.